Finding a qualified marriage counselor who truly cares about you and your marriage can be difficult. When considering relationship counseling, your self-esteem is often at an all time low and when you experience constant bickering and arguing, you may feel fearful that a divorce may be in your future.
You may also feel terrified and worried about your children’s well-being. When he is suffering from a troubled marriage, the best thing he can do is contact a counselor.
Qualified family counselors can come with a variety of credentials. Typically, you should look for a licensed psychologist, clinical social worker, or mental health counselor who specializes in marriage counseling. These highly trained advisory specialists have seen it all and can provide you with expert advice.
If you’ve never seen a counselor before but want to, you’re probably feeling apprehensive. This is absolutely normal.
After all, you will be revealing to a stranger some of the most intimate and personal details of your life and it can be embarrassing and painful. But a new chance at a complete and loving marriage is well worth it.
To get started, make a list of the characteristics you look for in a counselor. For example, think about what you would like from your GP.
You should be more concerned with finding someone with the right credentials and with whom you have a good relationship. You may need to find someone with flexible hours who can accommodate a hectic schedule.
For most, it is important to have a knowledgeable counselor with an excellent reputation and years of experience. A good counselor should treat you with respect, patience, sensitivity, and courtesy.
Before your first visit, take the time to prepare a list of questions. Pick someone you feel comfortable talking to and with whom you can have an open dialogue.
If you have any questions feel free to ask. Good marriage counselors want you to be prepared and take an active interest in the process.
If you find your counselor to be rigid, stiff, or difficult to talk to, consider finding a new one. You should never feel rushed, ignored, or unable to ask questions.
Let your counselor know about any anxiety or nervousness. This can help you to be very aware of your needs and often results in a better consultation.
After deciding to take this important step, here are some additional tips. For example, if the cost of treatment is paramount, check with your health insurance or employee assistance program at work to see if they cover counseling.
Also, you may be restricted to a specific network of professionals. If so, get the list and then make an appointment ASAP.
As you review the list, remember that a well-trained marriage counselor must be a psychologist, social worker, marriage and family therapist, or mental health counselor licensed in your state to independently practice.
This license often requires passing an oral exam and/or a full written exam. He or she will have graduated from an accredited graduate school and completed specialized training.
Another thing to look for is membership in a major professional association. These include the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, the American Counseling Association, and the National Association of Social Workers.
Members of these organizations often receive continuing education classes and must remain in good standing to remain members. Also, select an experienced marriage counselor, one with experience. The one with many years of experience is more apt to make an accurate assessment and provide the best services.
Marriage counselors generally do not believe that people should enter counseling with the primary goal of trying to change their partners. It’s frustrating, doesn’t work, and often makes things worse!
Remember, the ONLY person you can really change is yourself and sometimes that’s not so easy either! One of the most horrendous mistakes you can make is marrying an incompatible person thinking you can change them!
Also, sometimes only one person is motivated to seek counseling or really improve the relationship. How can you deal with a difficult marriage when your partner doesn’t want to change?
What do you do if you have a spouse who has a serious behavior problem, ie compulsive drugging, drinking, spending, raging or not being able to hold a job, verbal or physical abuse, infidelity, etc. What if he/she is not willing to go to counseling or work on the marriage?
What is your job? Some experts believe that a marriage can be greatly improved even if a difficult spouse never changes.
How? Working on yourself, learning to HANDLE your spouse’s shortcomings more effectively, i.e. not blaming, not allowing yourself to get too involved in your partner’s problems, detaching yourself from problematic aspects of your spouse’s life, and even going to support groups and counseling. to learn how to achieve all this.
When your spouse is uncooperative, it is imperative to assess your expectations to determine how alone you can continue to be a positive force in your children’s lives and in your relationship. However, there are no easy answers.
A lot depends on how much you are willing to sacrifice to keep your marriage from falling apart. Most professionals would say, however, that if your resistant spouse is causing dysfunction in maintaining your physical or mental health, or at home, at your job, or with your children or friends, it might be better, or even necessary, develop a plan to end the relationship.
An absolute rule of thumb is not to put yourself or your children in danger by staying in an abusive relationship. The imperative to save lives comes before the imperative to save your marriage.
