Understanding women in relationships starts with a simple premise: women really are different from us. Sure, you already knew that. But women will often surprise you, as many of those differences don’t make sense to us men. And if you are like most men, you will attribute it to women being “irrational.” But because she does not understand female logic, she is likely to assume that they do not apply any logic at all … and this means that she will only continue to be surprised by the “irrationality” of women.
There is no need to suffer like that. Women are actually logical and predictable, but only if you learn how their minds work. Let us explain … We’ve written elsewhere about how women often intentionally provoke male ire by testing men, and how strange this strategy often seems to men. For men, anger is a bad thing.
- If a woman is angry, it may mean that she is not having sex.
- And if another man is angry, it may mean that you are being the victim of physical violence.
Those are not good results. But for a woman, your anger means that you care about her. And to a woman, who is a good thing. Think about it: you only get angry about the things that are important to you. If the big game is brought forward on television because of a political debate, you are furious. But if you preview a documentary on Philips head screwdrivers, you won’t be too bothered.
That is a basic difference between male and female minds:
- For a man, it is the direction of another’s feelings that is most important.
- For a woman, the most important thing is the intensity of someone else’s feelings.
That’s why women goad us: they want an intense reaction. The more intense your anger, the more she will know that you care. That is music to your ears. Let’s apply this lesson to a real-life situation that you might have faced: You are dating a woman and you are sleeping with her. Then one day, she announces that she is leaving, that she is no longer “in love” with you. And the sex is over. If you’re like most guys, you’ll panic and try every approach you can think of to get her back in your life (and in your bed). But if she doesn’t move, you’ll eventually realize that it’s really over.
So what?
May explode in anger. You will point out that she herself is not that good. You will recite a list of their flaws. You will call all kinds of names. Your goal is, in part, to save your pride. That she dumps you means that she thinks she’s sexier than you and that she can do better. So you will try to correct those bad impressions. But your goal is above all to hurt her. She hurt you and now you want revenge. That’s why you will call her by all those bad names: to cause her pain. But sadly, this strategy fails. Instead, without realizing it, you will increase his ego. How can it be?
Your outburst of anger tells him that he’s still extremely desirable and that you adore the ground he’s walking on. In fact, she will prevent further verbal abuse from you because the initial dose was so rewarding for her. That’s why most ex-girlfriends or ex-wives call you back to “touch base” some time later – to find out if you’re still mad at her. And if so, that’s more ego hits for her.
For a woman, love and hate are two sides of the same coin. They both mean that you and a woman care about her:
The opposite of love is not hate: it is indifference.
You will go a long way in understanding women in relationships if you can keep it in mind at all times.
