As high school students contemplate college and try to overcome the challenges of high school life, parents need to be clear about their role. The primary role of a high school parent is to constantly offer loving encouragement, support, and guidance.
“My father and mother are behind me.
They show me that they care.
But every now and then I’m reminded
That my decisions can give them a scare.”
Loving parents play a critical role in developing young adults who will be successful in college, career, and life’s endeavors. It is during the high school years that students begin to find their way in life. They discover their interests, aptitudes, goals and dreams. When parents take a genuine interest in the discovery process, the bond between parent and child can be greatly strengthened.
Parents who have a good relationship with their children can strengthen that relationship when they:
1. Learn and try to understand each child’s hopes and dreams: You cannot effectively support your children if you don’t understand where they are trying to get to. Whatever their dream is, parents need to find ways to help them learn more about it. By helping the student expand their perspective, students will make better decisions about their goals and direction.
Effective parents position themselves as allies in discovery. They offer input, ideas, and suggestions, but they don’t always try to control direction or goals. Smart parents look back on their own experiences and realize that life is not a straight line. We meander; and as we learn, we change direction. It’s part of growing up.
Parents who try to impose exact control often resent it. Therefore, if the student is moving in a positive direction, parents should try to support him. When parents expect and demand that their children be like them, disappointment and anger often follow. Each child must become her own person and find their own path towards her dreams. For many parents, that is a difficult lesson.
2. Listen with empathy: things don’t always work out. That’s why it’s important for parents to be there when their children need them. Importantly, parents must be prepared to listen without judgment and show empathy. Too harsh criticism at the time of a serious disappointment or crisis can drive them apart.
Smart parents try to listen in a way that shows their children that they care. When a child expresses their feelings and frustrations, parents should look for the positives and help them see other options and alternatives. Parents should not take it personally if the child seems angry with them.
The next day, or when things settle down, parents need to make it clear that they are on the same side and that they only want what is best for their children. However, small disappointments are a part of life. Parents can help their children find the strength to look for alternatives and find other paths. However, at this stage in a child’s life, it is no longer the parents’ role to try to fix every little problem. Parents should encourage children to pick themselves up, learn from the experience, move in a new direction, and try again. This is how children mature.
3. Provide active support: The most effective parents are often active in their children’s school life. They belong to the PTA, attend school sports, activities and events, attend parent conferences, help with homework and coach their children through minor difficulties.
When a student plans to go to college, understanding parents help with researching colleges that offer the right majors, financial aid, work-study programs, and then escort the student on campus tours. They also remind you of obligations and deadlines. However, since “helping” does not mean doing everything for them, the student must take the lead and the parents must play a supportive role.
Disinterested students are unlikely to be enthusiastic about a college their parents selected for them. If the student is not actively involved in the college search process, she is less likely to be successful in college.
4. Encourage Student Achievement: The first of all rules for parents is to model the attitude, behavior, and performance you want from your children. Students rarely improve their performance and behavior based on a “do as I say, not as I do” approach.
“Encouragement will always have a positive effect.”
Successful parents frequently use encouraging words and supportive actions to show their children how to make improvements. They show their love and encourage their children to perform at their best. Even when that performance falls short, they offer encouragement and support. These parents understand that their children will not be good at everything. Therefore, they encourage their children to explore their interests, do their best, and try to learn how to do better next time.
Effective parents encourage their children to broaden their experiences by participating in school clubs, sports, and activities. They recognize that part-time work and community activities can be an effective way to expose their children to the real world. These personal experiences often motivate students to do better in school and can help them identify potential direction.
Parents play an important role. When you align with your children’s hopes and dreams, you form a powerful team. Students are more likely to reach their full potential when their parents actively support their direction and goals. Therefore, smart parents support their children when they move in a positive direction and mean it when they say, “I believe in you.”
