To Divine Revelation. I am compelled to share a divine revelation that I received from God Himself while in deep trance and dreaming on Mount Sinai. Actually, this revelation was given in response to my confession of sin. I was pouring out my heart in anger and frustration over the continued violation of my email inbox, when the Lord heard my cry and gave me these Five Commandments of Email Etiquette.
I’m not half the man Moses was, so I only got five commandments and one stone tablet. This probably won’t do much to save the planet, but the world hasn’t done very well in obeying the ten commandments given to Moses either. Whatever the case may be, my mission is simply to pass on this information. You have the responsibility to do with it what you choose. He only remembers that on the day of judgment you will have to give an account.
Think about it. Before you hit that Send button up, stop and think! you hit Answer everyone when you should just hit Send? To think. The person you met at that conference last year who gave you your business card has just sent a prayer request to every person in her address book. As a compassionate soul, you wanted to say, “God bless you! I’m praying.” and hit Answer everyone. Now thousands of people from Labrador to Easter Island are wondering who the hell you are.
And, the absolute only time you should send a mass email to everyone in your address book is to announce that you died last week, not to ask for prayers for the bad cold you caught or to forward a message that someone forwarded. for you.
Check it out. One word: Snopes. Before you forward that email asking you to sign some petition to prevent Christianity from being outlawed by an act of Congress or something, go to Snopes.com and check it out. Never in human history has there been a vehicle of communication as effective and massive as the gullible evangelical Christians armed with half-truths, rumors, outright lies and a computer connected to the Internet. I hear it all every week: a new movie is going to feature Jesus as a homosexual, Microsoft is going to give you a dollar for every person you forward this email to so you can test their systems, or John Wayne accepted Christ. as his Savior just before he died because of a letter he received from a child.
Let’s go! You have also heard things like this. Don’t forward it to everyone you know just because you really want to believe it. Check it out. Most of it is simply not true and most of the rest is a hopelessly distorted bit of truth.
Spell it. Write in plain English or whatever language you are communicating in. When you become cute, I have a hard time with you. Maybe if you’re texting and you’re under fifteen, that might be appropriate. and I think I’m going to scream if I see another email from someone that doesn’t have caps. OR SOMEONE WHO HAS HEAD LOCK AND MAY NOT HAVE NOTICED IT!
Cut it. Don’t get cute with backgrounds, stationery and those little Precious moments animated angels that spin at the top of your emails. It is true that you can put together some very impressive graphics on your new computer. It can have a turquoise background with paisley borders and silver gothic fonts. Or that really sharp image of Jesus’ face reflected in a drop of dew on a red rose. What you may not know is that not all email programs are set up like yours and can’t appreciate the artwork of it. Have you ever tried to open an email like that on a cell phone or PDA? If you have close friends who have told you that they like that type of material and you only send it to them, that’s another story. But don’t use it for your regular correspondence, please.
Keep it simple: black letters on a white background in a font you can read without having to have a chiropractic adjustment after twisting your head.
throw it away If I get an email with an attachment from someone I don’t recognize, I throw it away. I pressed delete. Or, if I get an email from someone I know who always sends some silly, meaningless attachment, I throw it away. Sometimes I get those PowerPoint attachments that take up more space than my first computer’s entire hard drive.
And you know those forwarded messages that have an attachment that you open only to find another attachment to open, then another and another? You click down through several layers of forwards to reach a message or attachment that is currently formatted so badly that there are fifty blank spaces between each line. After the first click, I throw them away. Hit me twice and I throw it away before the first click.
I am saying this with love! I am not furious or angry. I just want to remind you that just because your pastor, church friends, relatives, or acquaintances don’t tell you about your emails, it doesn’t mean they like receiving emails that violate these etiquette tips. Instead, send short notes that are simple, sincere, and personal. Those are forever appreciated.
