It is written in our Declaration of Independence that we have the God-given right to seek happiness (note that it says we have the right to seek it but does not guarantee that we will find it). We all search for happiness and look for it in all sorts of places: sports, entertainment, sex, food, therapy, relationships, and are often disappointed when we don’t find it there. Jerry Leiber and Mike Stoller wrote a Hall of Fame song about this disappointment: That’s all there is? – and Peggy Lee won a Grammy for singing it. She sings about the disappointment of seeking happiness and coming up empty-handed and disappointed.
How many times do you start a thought with “If only…” and the rest is an unspoken “then I would be happy”? How many truly happy people do you know? Do you consider yourself happy? What makes you happy?
There are five As that can point you in the right direction and these are Appreciation, Awareness, Acceptance, Recognition and Awe.
Appreciation It doesn’t really have to be defined, it just has to be practiced. Look around you and take note of all the things you have to be thankful for. Who and what do you appreciate? The little cheer my grandson yells after every game of T Ball comes to mind: “two, four, six, eight, who do we appreciate?” They appreciate the other team. Who do you appreciate? Keep a running list of the things you appreciate. Right at the top of my list are family that loves me, fresh air, clean water, good food, freedom. Each of them could generate a new list. The list should grow longer and longer and never stop. But be careful, because appreciation can change your life for the better. Only do this exercise if you really want to be happy.
Awareness goes hand in hand with appreciation. The more aware you are of everything around you, the more grateful you will become. Do you see beauty everywhere? How long has it been since you picked up a fallen leaf and noticed the colors, the structure, the beauty of it? How long has it been since you “smelled the flowers”. As a driver, I am always amazed at what I see on a daily route when someone else is driving. When I’m driving, I only see traffic, directional signs, and the things I need to see to be safe and get to our destination. When I am a passenger I can be aware of the people, the architecture, the plants and flowers, the blue of the sky, the clouds and everything that is on the road. Become aware of other people and their expressions, their energy, their joys and sorrows. Become more aware of yourself: who you are and what you want and need, what you enjoy and what you don’t enjoy. Awareness is a key ingredient for happiness.
acceptance keep you from trying to change yourself, everyone and everything around you. It allows you the freedom to be who you are and to allow others to be who they are as well. You’ve heard the saying, “I love you warts and all.” That is acceptance. You don’t have to judge or redo anyone you meet. It is a very liberating concept and opens you up to happiness with yourself and with others.
Recognition allows you to recognize your own talents, abilities, achievements, and uniqueness, as well as the talents, abilities, achievements, and uniqueness of those around you. Acknowledging someone else’s successes does not detract from your own or diminish you in any way. Nor does it make them generally arrogant. Remember how good it feels when someone sincerely says, “Great job. Thank you.” You can give that gift to someone else. Start with your spouse and children if you are married. Those are four great words: “Great job! Thank you.” When was the last time you used them? Take them out, dust them off, and wear them until they become second nature. Thank you!
Amazing allows you to look at everything through new eyes and exclaim “Wow!” When you are aware and really see, you will be more and more surprised. My grandson is a constant source of amazement to me at his sweetness, his intelligence, his wit, and his tenderness. He is now six years old and he is very wise and our conversations go from silly to profound. He was too busy raising my own children to be in such an incredible situation, but as a grandmother I have time. Look for the things in your life that make you say “Wow!” Awe is great for your spirit and also for your blood pressure, so make an effort to allow awe back into your life.
Those five A’s can get you closer to happiness than almost everything I know. Happiness is an inside job, after all, and appreciation, awareness, acceptance, recognition, and wonder are some of the tools that help you work there.
