Never in my life did I become an honor student or even get the greedy Latino honor when I was in college. So every time I hear someone’s valedictory speech, I can’t help but feel envious of their momentous success. Hearing that made me wish I could have their extraordinary wit, and made me wonder if I took their brains out and put them in mine, would I be like them? Like those who are good enough to fit into this competitive world.
Why was I never an honor student? It all started during my elementary school days. In that period of my life, I had a hard time understanding our school textbook even if someone was teaching me. Therefore, I usually lost focus in the lessons my teacher discussed. As my classmates expressed their hunger to learn, I was always imagining things and wishing classes were over so I could watch my favorite Cartoon Network shows. I knew, from that moment, that I was too different from the brilliant children who would be, as their parents hoped: doctors, lawyers, politicians and other more respected professions one day.
It continued when I was in high school. I never forced myself to study hard because I knew I couldn’t be as good as my classmates who wore 0.50m prescription glasses. My priority in high school was just to pass it. I never aimed to be at the top because no matter how hard I studied, even if I burned all my eyebrows studying late-night lessons, I could never get a chance to be a Validectorian. So why should I stress, right? High school life is supposed to be about the fun things in life because that’s the time in your life when you really live young. I have to experience falling in love, hanging out late at night, moving around the square, skipping classes sometimes, and sleeping over. With that in mind, I never forced myself to digest bits of information, especially in Math. Those tangents and co-tangents, the 360 degree triangle, problem solving were never my friends, as a result I took Math tests several times just to pass.
Then university camera. It was a very different life. At this stage, the achievements were very hard. How I wished I had studied hard in high school so I wouldn’t be overwhelmed by all the pressures that college life demands. I was humiliated for my bad grammar and poor public speaking skills since I was a Communications student. My reasoning and thinking skills did not improve much unlike my classmates who spoke and wrote well polished essays and speeches. I took trigonometry twice because I quit. I felt hopeless when I was in college, and the classic ‘what if?’ like ‘what if I studied hard when I was in high school?’, ‘what if I took on all the challenges to join extracurricular activities so that my interpersonal skills were highly developed’; however, he could not turn back time. I knew it was my fault, not my high school life.
What motivated me to change was seeing the disappointment registered in my parents’ eyes every time I showed them my grades. It’s kind of depressing, especially knowing that my older sister is constantly on the dean’s list while I’m the only loser who luckily managed to get near passing grades. My parents are working hard just to send me to college, while me, even if they didn’t express it, they just wanted to see that I’m doing my best as a token of all their efforts. I did. I tried. So, as a result of my difficulties, I graduated from the university on time without any award or honor.
After college, I began to experience the true cruelty of life. I proved that all my parents’ advice about life was true. That outside world is really survival of the fittest, and the competition is fierce. That me is definitely not good enough. I’m just good for nothing, a boy-nothing-young-immature-who doesn’t know what to do with his life but just to have fun. But not everything will be handed to you on a silver platter, especially if you don’t have connections. So I started at the bottom and sweated it out. Being in the background, I couldn’t stop thinking about past events in my life, I had so much fun that I neglected to prepare for my future. I made terrible mistakes, my young age should be a starting point to establish a backbone. Good grades really do matter, especially today where grades are all measured in numbers.
At the end of it all, I think it’s not too late to change. It may not be me who gave the valedictory speech or good enough of others, but I’m trying hard to fight harder to also get an ace in this competitive world that works in its own right and designations under people’s names.
