I thought I was the only one in the world with a crybaby 5 year old. All the other 5 year olds I know are either well behaved or total freaks! My oldest son is a cross between the two: most of the time he’s well behaved and sometimes he’s a total freak. And when he’s a monster, mommy gets uglier (blushes with embarrassment).
I don’t want this to sound like a “Dear Thelma” article with me whining online and venting to readers about how unfair this world is and how horrible my son is every time he whines… when in fact, I think the problem is mine. I have a problem with giving him the attention he needs, therefore he resorts to whining to get my attention.
Does my youngest child complain? Not as often as my older son. My youngest son is wise, he uses a more effective method to get my attention. He would pull my sleeve or part of my clothing up (or any other embarrassing part of my clothing that reveals undesirable parts of my body) and place hot wet kisses on it! Boy oh boy you gotta give it to the guy for knowing how to get my attention.
Anyway, let me get back on topic here… whine.
THE VERY BASIC FUNDAMENTALS OF WHY TODDLERS AND PRESCHOOLERS COMPLAIN ::
From a very young age, children need their parents and depend on adults for everything. And to get those things, he has to learn to get attention from adults. Like babies, they cry. When they are small children, they cry and kick. Like preschoolers, they whine and complain.
The reason boys and girls complain and make a fuss is because they want something from you and feel powerless to get it. If they know how to get your attention, like my youngest son, they won’t complain. Only when their calls for help go unanswered or if they don’t get their way do their calls rise in pitch to a wail.
Children complain because they are looking for an answer and it can be a good answer or a bad answer. They want your attention and if bad attention is the only kind of attention they’re capable of getting, they’ll take it and figure out how to turn it around after that.
HOW TO DEFINE COMPLAINING YOUR PRESCHOOL COMPLAINED ::
Instead of pointing fingers at their faces (which I also have a tendency to do when stressed), try to identify their whining. As soon as they start to complain about something, say firmly, “You’re whining and I can’t hear you when you do that. Can you speak in your normal voice now?” If your preschooler doesn’t understand what he’s saying, repeat the word ‘whine’ and then imitate your whining. Either you’ll end up with a wiser child or you’ll both end up rolling on the floor with heart-stopping laughter. Either way, it’s good news.
HAVE YOU NOTICED WHEN YOUR CHILD IS MOST PRONE TO whine? ::
Make a wild guess… yes, when you’re in the middle of something important, trying to focus on a game or TV show. It is when you are most busy with your own things or you are not focused on them.
RESPOND TO YOUR CHILD AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE OR REDRESS IT POSITIVELY. ::
The worst thing you can do to a child is bite him when he asks for something nicely. That’s like saying, “Not now. Try whining. I might get mad and talk back.” Instead, respond to them immediately, just like you would any other adult. If you are in the middle of something important, you can always explain to your child as patiently and kindly as possible that he is doing something important. Explain that you won’t ignore them, but if they can wait, they should. Most preschool-age children can understand this type of instruction; they may understand more than we give them credit for.
DON’T JUST SAY ‘LATER’ TO A CRYING CHILD ::
Later could mean 5 minutes, it could mean 1 hour, geez, it could mean TOMORROW! Give your preschooler a ballpark figure and a realistic length of time they should expect the wait to be. Once you’re done with whatever you’re doing, keep your promise.
If he waits, encourage him, congratulate him, shower him with praise, and make him feel like the president of the WORLD for waiting so long.
