Holidays! This is the time of the year when people go to visit their families to supposedly have a good time and a good meal together.
Well, these are gatherings where we revive family ties and catch up on everyone’s news. However, more often than not, what we see is a gathering of a group of people who really have nothing in common. Here sit a group of strangers called relatives: uncles, cousins, in-laws, family friends, nephews, etc. all dressed in nothing but a family dinner to go.
After greeting everyone, you decide to take a look at what the others are doing. Unfortunately you will realize that some will drink too much; others will eat too much; others do not turn off the television; others will only serve others, and others will never stop cleaning. You want to make small talk, but after a few futile tries, you get bored.
To make matters worse, some will do nothing but criticize others, while others, especially the ones doing all the cleaning, will make everyone else feel guilty. And to complete the ordeal, there are also those who, no matter what, will bring politics and religion to the table, just to heat up the conversation.
Rather than a fun day, it’s likely to be quite stressful, compared only to the tension of “The Pianist.” After a very short time, you will realize that, again, you wish days like this never existed.
An even worse scenario would be if the visit is with your spouse’s family instead of your own. Then the nightmare would be complete. Oh yeah! You think for a moment that your family is not understood as a bunch of weirdos like his family is.
dream on! Your life partner will feel the opposite!
So how do we deal with such a situation?
The best approach is to know in advance who will be present at this meeting.
Call ahead, at least three days before hand. Now that you know that Aunt Myrtle and Uncle Wilbur will be there with their two children and their families, and that your sister-in-law is bringing this guy who really thinks he’s a good politician but can’t get a word out. Using common sense, as well as Rupert, his father-in-law’s college roommate who just got divorced after 30 years of marriage and can never stop saying his wife got the house he bought her in the first place, you can start praying for them.
Ok, maybe “pray” is a strong word. Bless them. That’s what you have to do: one by one, you have to hurt them. Better yet: make a list of the attendees of the event. Ok, let’s make a list:
1. Get your phone and call at least three days before the meeting to find out who will be attending the event.
2. On a piece of paper, write everyone’s names.
3. Write each name on a different line.
4. Thank the host/hostess for the names and hang up the phone.
5. On another sheet, write the names of the dinner attendees again.
6. Leave five blank lines between the names.
7. For each of the attendees, write down five good qualities that each person has.
8. If you can’t find something good about a particular person, skip it and go to the next one.
9. When you’re done, go back to fill in the blanks for the people you left behind.
10. No, you can’t help but look for five qualities in each person who will be at the meeting.
11. Put down the pen or stop writing if you are using a word processor. I recommend that you do it by hand: it is more powerful.
12. After you have finished with everyone, call out each name and bless this person.
For example, Aunt Myrtle:
(1) makes delicious brownies,
(2) sings beautifully,
(3) knows how to shop for bargains,
(4) dresses extravagantly, if you like how she dresses; otherwise, find something else–
(5) remember everyone’s birthday.
Bless you, Aunt Myrtle; Hope to see you at dinner (you can add the word God if you want, as in: God bless you Aunt Myrtle, I’m looking forward to it, etc., etc.)
You have the photo? What if you just hate a person with such a passion that you can’t think of a good quality, even if your life depended on it? Look deeper. I swear that it is possible to find those five good qualities, even if they are bad. At least they are qualities!
Now get ready for a miracle. When you arrive at the meeting, you will see that those who bother you will leave you alone; those who criticize you will be nice, or at least mute; those who love you will go out of their way to make you feel welcome, and so on.
It is about your energy regarding these people. I guarantee that he will be so pleasantly surprised by how enjoyable the meeting was that he wishes he had known about this process a long time ago.
By the way, after the holidays are over, you can still use this process for any occasion, really. You just need to start making your list every time you need to meet someone else.
