I recently received an email from a wife who was separated from her husband. She hadn’t moved on yet, but she was definitely headed there. The two were having a hard time communicating in a positive way and this was impeding their ability to attempt a reconciliation. The wife was sure she wanted to make things right, but her husband wasn’t so sure anymore.
He was starting to hint that it would be better if the two of them broke up and that he was tired of all the drama when things always ended in the same negative way. The wife herself hoped that there were some things she could do to help stop this cycle and change her husband’s mind about her. She hoped that if he gave her a little and was even remotely receptive, the two of them might start to gain some ground and improve things. The wife herself wanted some advice on the best way to handle this. I will tell you what I told him in the following article.
Before you start trying to reconcile, give your husband a chance to cool off. Enter some distance and space: In this situation, it is very common for the spouse who wants to leave to leave the house. And often the spouse who wants to save the marriage will fight tooth and nail. But sometimes, if you can control the time and distance, allowing this process can be a smart move.
Often we are so caught up in the emotions of the situation that we are not objective enough to see what needs to be done, since everything seems so immediate. Often, after you give the situation some space, the objectivity you need becomes possible. This does not mean that one of you should leave. It just means that they can offer to give each other some space and a cooling off period for a few days or weeks. You can move back or stay with friends, whichever is more acceptable to you.
Following him around and nagging him to see things your way and talk about it probably won’t work if he isn’t willing to listen. To establish your best chance of success, you’ll need him to eventually get on board. But if this isn’t happening right now, you better not push because his insights will directly help (or hurt) your cause. It is important that you paint yourself in the best light. And since things can be volatile right now, inserting a break into this situation will often help.
Settling for small improvements before pushing for a full reconciliation: People often view this situation as an all or nothing situation. This is often the wrong approach to take. You will often see much better results if you focus your attention first on simply improving the way you interact. Like I said, you’ll need him to be receptive to you. This is much more likely to happen if you don’t push him and try to have difficult discussions or make difficult changes too soon.
Focus first on the little things. Just try to improve the interactions between you. It’s important that you can be friends again so that you’re both not shielded and walking on eggshells every time you interact. This has likely become a very negative cycle that you need to break. You need to show him that every encounter with you will not end badly and that it really is safe for him to interact with you and listen to what you have to say, since you will no longer engage in a negative way.
Over time, the fights, misunderstandings, and awkwardness should start to subside. And it’s only when this happens that you need to start worrying about inching forward.
Go back to go forward: Once you’re back to acting friendly, you’ll want to start focusing on your romantic bond and intimacy. Then you’ll want to brainstorm the things that brought them together and brought them together in the beginning. You need to get these things back so that you once again connect on a positive level. There are many reasons for this, but the biggest one is that you are likely to get a lot more cooperation and a much better outcome with this strategy. After all, when you were dating and “in love,” you probably didn’t dwell on your problems and quickly deal with them when they came up. You did this because you didn’t want anything to interfere with the positive feedback you were getting.
That’s not to say you won’t have to solve your problems. But, you don’t need to make this difficult and make it the main focus so that you don’t get the cooperation you need. Also, you’ll probably find it much easier if you first restore friendship and intimacy. This often takes time and small wins and often requires you to go back a bit before trying to move forward.
