This is a problem that is probably as old as time. Adult children do not always choose their parents as a partner. shakespeare made him immortal in Romeo and Juliet. A central theme in the Broadway music, Fiddler on the Roof, and the current television drama, Downton AB, is the original generation’s struggle to accept the choices of their adult children. I know, a Nyandrathal woman had a fight over her choice of the Crowmon boy with her father. (“Dad: He’s so smart and he’s so tall!”) But while it may be a universal and timeless theme coming home, it’s painful. Here are just a few examples of our “Ask the Doctor” service:
In Boston, a 25-year-old man says, “I am caught between my mother and my wife.” -“My Chinese mother expects my wife to obey her and when her mother-in-law does, then she should wait for her. My wife works all day and she doesn’t see why my mother can’t cook dinner OR when she leaves why can he help him, my mother constantly complains, my wife cries, what should I do?
a young man in Florida writes: “My wife is Latina and I am white. Whenever we go, my father goes beyond illegal immigration. My mother can’t stop her. When we go home we fight because she says I should stop him, but I don’t know anything “. Which I can tell she’s going to change. Aid!”
“My lover and I want to get married but we are from different ethnic groups and we know that our parents will never agree. We secretly see each other for 4 years.” – A young man in Serbia From the woman
Like the authors of these letters, you are in love, you are in love. Like them, you want your parents to love and admire the person you choose. Instead, they cannot see behind their traditions, values, or prejudices. They don’t see your boyfriend or husband for the wonderful person that he is. They are all wrong, with a Capital W. You feel trapped between them. You love and, yes, you respect your parents, but you also love and appreciate your partner.
It is important to bridge the divide. If you and the person you prefer, it is not clear what your commitment and agreement is, which one you are willing to be together, the continuous rejection, if the surface or seat below the surface can weaken your relationship. it is. The son of the parents who refuses is trapped in a terrible dam. Listen and respond to either side, leave the other, feel ignored or humiliated. The person who is the center of the aversions may feel incessantly or under pressure to prove himself. If it is not wanted, the efforts soon become angry, and the anger spills over into relationships.
Fortunately, there is a less rigorous solution than the romantic death scene in Romeo and Juliet. Like Robert in Fidler, Tevye or Downton Abbey, there are parents who finally accept the choices of their adult children and even bless them. But it takes work and desire. It doesn’t happen with magic or logic.
Don and Dos not to close the gap:
Don’t respond to criticism with criticism. Your parents’ values, traditions, and feelings have helped create who you are. They are likely to be a guiding light for generations and are the center of your family’s identity. Keeping family history low is not honest or helpful. be very kind. The older generation sticks to their views and ideas because it helps them feel safe in the changing world. His intentions are probably good. Find ways to assure the family of your origin that you appreciate and respect their past while becoming part of the global community in which people from other walks of life are involved.
Do not meet the parental rejection with defense and logic. Protection implies that there is something to rescue. To argue means to argue with you. Respond to their concerns with respect and clarity. Accept that a cross-cultural marriage is becoming difficult. Express your sadness because they feel the way they do. Confirm your love for them and your overall honor by your thoughts, but be clear that you have made your decision. Peace is definitely more effective than angry words.
Don’t make your relationship a secret. Keeping it a secret reveals that you are ashamed of your choice. Someone will inevitably know about it, so everyone in the family will be upset and angry at both of you. Make sure you both agree to the agreement to stay together. Make sure you are safe. There is nothing wrong with dealing with your parents which is not the last thing.
Do not use your partner to educate your partner, educate your parents or become a partner. It’s not appropriate for a person who wants to use you as a wing in your ongoing fight over things like religion, caste, or status with your parents.
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