Today, although statistics show that the divorce rate among couples with children has dropped by 40 percent, many couples with children say goodbye to their marriage. This happens for many, many reasons; some complicated and some not so complicated. However, about half of all children in the US will observe the end of their parents’ marriage.
Divorce occurs for many reasons, and each couple has a unique story behind their decision to separate. Trying to stay friends is solely your decision and it takes time to find out. If you were the victim of domestic violence or abuse, or an affair, your story is considerably different and it may be impossible to remain friends. That is fully understood. However, if you have children involved, it is important to consider their emotional health when deciding to live separate lives.
Overcoming difficult patches
As with any separation or divorce, it will take time to get over feelings of hurt or resentment. It is essential to let time do its work; this cannot be rushed. Many divorces or separations have periods of disagreement between the two adults who once loved each other. Being “friends” may not be an option at this time; However, if you can somehow be polite to each other and avoid arguing with the children, this will help the children get through this with you.
Putting the feelings aside
After a while and you have made some kind of resolution, it will be time to try to put the negative feelings aside and move on. Of course, this is not easy because many hurtful acts or words may have been reciprocated between the two of you. However, if you have children, try to think about their needs and the fact that they will not want to listen to the constant arguments between the two of you. This type of negative communication will create stress and anxiety for both you and the children, which is certainly not healthy.
Indulgent
After even more time has passed, try considering forgiveness. It won’t do any good to constantly think about what happened to dissolve the marriage, and finding peace with it all will help your emotional and physical well-being. This certainly does not mean that you should “forget it”, because whatever happened in the marriage will always be in your memory. However, learning to cope and forgive will help you and your children. Staying well emotionally and physically will affect children, and this is a good thing!
Children first
Remember that children come first. If your marriage ends in a very negative way, constantly talking in a destructive way about your ex will only cause more hurt feelings in the children. Think about it. Your spouse is the father or mother of your children and they love them unconditionally. Hearing harmful words or seeing harmful actions can cause great resentment in children. Shelter your feelings and protect them, even if you are angry at your ex.
So can you be friends with an ex? If you can. Not in the way that means you have to go out to dinner and hang out on a regular basis, but on a conversational but distant level. Many couples, after a time of healing from any ill will, are friends. There are couples who have promised to remain friends for the sake of the children. It’s never easy for kids to see the two people they love the most to break up, but if it must happen, it definitely makes it easier if they’re trying to get along!
