Narcissists tend to be self-centered, showy in their generosity, and moody when they don’t get their way.
So if you were wondering if they might have been narcissists, here are 5 signs to watch out for.
1. Superiority.
The narcissist believes that he is above other people. They do not easily form friendships at work, and if they do, they tend to refer to them simply as colleagues. If you had friends at work, there’s a chance your ex has downgraded those friendships and dismissed them as “fake.”
Their superior tendencies will force them to do the annoying superior “sniff”; you know what i mean right? When you say something and they pause for effect, give a dismissive sniff and then throw in all the reasons why you’re wrong. Charming. Pretense and vanity are the clues, and they will claim that no one could know you as well as they do, and there seems to be a real belief that they are better than others. A person with a healthy self-esteem and a realistic self-image will recognize their strengths AND weaknesses.
2. Lack of empathy.
Did you lose a family member when you were with your toxic ex? And did they support you and take care of you? Or did they somehow twist it to be about them, or did they just not recognize how much it hurt? The narcissist doesn’t really love anyone other than himself.
They can show empathy in an intellectual way; behave as they know they are expected to; but if they are particularly toxic, they may not even bother with it. It’s great to be told “it’s about time you stopped crying” a week after your father died …
3. The injured party.
Was your toxic ex wandering around with a bum face? I bet this happened because you disagreed with him or because he was critical of something. Now, we like to keep arguing to a minimum, and kicking someone when they are depressed is unfair; but I’m not talking about that; I mean the smallest, unintentional snub, or disagreement about something you could never predict would happen (“But why don’t you like Seat Ibizas? That’s just stupid. Can you hear how stupid you are being?” (True story )). If you upset the delicate balance of someone who loves himself more than he could pretend to love him, expect to pay for it.
4. Public displays of generosity.
“Look what I have made / bought for you.”
This one is quite difficult to handle. When someone makes a big show of their generosity in public, it’s hard to see how other people can see it when you’re stuck in the middle of a toxic relationship. Now, after talking to friends and family, I now know that he was seen for what he was; a great act, designed to make me look, frankly, like an ungrateful bitch. But the narcissist doesn’t see it that way. It’s another notch on the scale of “look how cool I am with you, you don’t deserve me” and a reason for them to play Ben Folds Five “Song for the Dump” at full volume for you. (Another true story, check it out on YouTube and enjoy the line, “Give me back my money, bitch.”)
5. Gas lighting.
Gaslighting is a power trip, a strange and manipulative behavior in which they can tell you that you are stupid to like something, because they want what they want; then there is the behavior in which you are put down so you start to believe it; “You are a garbage cook because you never had to go to college at 18 and learn to take care of yourself like me …”
Believing that this leads you to live a life in which you are constantly looked down upon; and when you try to defend yourself or decide that you won’t hold out again, you end up crying and apologizing for hurting them; one way or another, the situation has changed and you are to blame. How dare you face this deal and ask for respect, after all? He constantly questions himself, tries to avoid put-downs and makes excuses to his family and friends.
If you lived through these signs, it is very likely that you were living with a narcissist. We all have a bit of narcissism in us. It’s healthy, it makes us feel good when we do it right, it gives us a balanced sense of self-worth. The danger is in narcissistic behavior that leaves no room for anyone else.
