My goal is to create happy babies through massage, but of course not all babies lie down and coo while you lovingly practice infant massage techniques on them. Having taught classes and taught hundreds of parents and babies, it’s not uncommon for babies to howl in outrage at the first sign of massage, and the worst thing you can do is grit your teeth and continue – you risk creating a negative association in your minds. So I have written this short article to help those mothers with babies who do not like to be massaged.
So why bother? Surely if the baby doesn’t like it, just don’t do it. Well, of course it’s an option, but when you consider all the fantastic benefits of infant massage, it’s worth trying some of the ideas discussed here.
Tip #1 Set the scene
Think about the environment and your baby. Is it warm, calm, quiet? A sensitive baby undressed in a drafty church hall with six other babies when you’re used to quiet, peaceful days at home just the two of you, is likely to protest. Some babies love the social interaction of being with other babies and being in a new, simulated environment, and others don’t. Think about which baby you are and set the scene accordingly. Choose a smaller class, in a warmer environment, or get a DVD or download and practice at home.
Tip #2 Dress (and undress) wisely
If you are going to a class or you are going to do the routine at home, dress your baby in loose and comfortable clothes. Sleep suits are ideal. Pulling on and off a baby’s clothes can be a bit stressful for them, so make things as easy as possible for both of you. Undress them slowly and gently, with lots of positive encouragement to make them feel happy and comfortable. A major problem with young babies is that they feel insecure when they’re naked (don’t they?!), so keep that in mind. Place a muslin or blanket over the parts of the body that are not being massaged. This keeps them from getting cold and increases their sense of security, so unless your baby likes to be naked at any chance (mine was, and frankly still is), this is a good strategy.
Think about your own massages (you remember them, right? A long, long time ago…) and how you’re covered in towels and only the section you’re being massaged is exposed. For newborns it is very important to regulate the temperature, so I would recommend massaging at home during the first weeks. For the baby who adamantly refuses to be happily undressed, or the parent who wants to massage without messing with oil (while out and about, for example), it’s lovely to massage through clothing. A single coat is best and a gentle rub on the back and legs while standing upright on the shoulder is very calming and relaxing. I would imagine you do this naturally anyway, so you’re already practicing baby massage every day! If he’s not happy lying on the floor, sit with his back supported and let him lie on your knees, that way he’ll be able to see you better too.
Tip #3 Timing is everything
The time of day you massage is important, but I can’t tell you what is the best time for you. This is one of the most common questions I get, but it is very individual to each baby’s routine, but my advice is always this: Massage at your baby’s happiest moment. All babies have a good period of the day: some are mid-morning, some are mid-afternoon, and some are at bedtime. The common consensus has often been to make massage part of the bedtime routine and I would support that, but not if by the time the bath is over your baby is screaming with hunger and exhaustion. That is not the time to start giving massages.
Evenings can often be a hectic time too, with partners coming home and spanking the baby into a frenzy, or older siblings wanting their share of your attention, or people to feed (sometimes even yourself). , etc. So in some cases it seems crazy to try to fit ‘massage the baby for 20 minutes’ into this moment where you’ve spent all morning sitting just the two of you watching Jeremy Kyle and eating hobnobs (just me then?). From feedback from my moms in classes, I’ve found that massage in the morning leads to better quality daytime naps that day and improved sleep at night. Also, if you are massaging for cramps, mid-morning is a calm and quiet time, and massage seems to have a positive effect on the timing of nighttime cramps. So make positive associations and massage when both of you are at your best.
Tip #4 Adjust it to your schedule, not the other way around
Another point to make here is that you shouldn’t feel like you have to sit down and go through a full 20 minute routine every day. I’m sure you have enough to worry about without feeling guilty about not getting a massage too! Try to include a full massage a couple of times a week, yes that’s great but also be creative and include it in your routine and not the other way around. I am passionate about massaging feet (as I am a trained reflexologist) so I would recommend massaging feet every day, and a good time to do this is during diaper changes (and there are plenty of them in the day) and when they are having a little kick.
Tip #5 Be happy
If you have a baby who isn’t all that interested in getting massaged, you may feel tense before you begin, especially in a group situation. Your baby will pick up on this through your body language and her own sixth sense! Stretch out, get comfortable, and relax before you begin. Make sure you have everything on hand (oil, wipes, towel). keep eye contact and smile! If you’re concentrating too hard and looking at your hands instead of at them, they might get a little worried. Eye contact, smiling, and singing silly songs help!
I hope the above helps if you have a baby who is not that keen on getting massaged. You may also find that as time goes by, different moves are preferred and disliked, so it’s important to try again in a few weeks and see if things have changed. Enjoy your baby!
