Two things to remember: This story is true and yes, I am ashamed to tell it.
I am a man raised with four older brothers, no sisters and no babies. I never really held a baby until my wife gave birth to our first child in October 1998. So you can understand my nervousness when the baby was born. Suddenly I had to hold him, feed him, dress him and carry him without causing irreparable damage to his physical well-being.
In truth, I did very little of the actual work. My wife was so excited about having her first child that she rarely let me near him. This did little to bolster my faith in myself that I can handle baby duties.
Then, one day he dropped a bomb on me; I had to go to a meeting and I would be left alone with the baby for the first time! Several thoughts went through my mind. Did my mom have time to get here? Should I call a babysitter? Should I fake a case of appendicitis?
Unfortunately, I had no choice but to stay and face the music. My wife pulled out of the driveway as I displayed my masculinity holding our baby and smiling. Luckily she didn’t see me tremble.
After he did, I put my plan into action. She would make him sleep and keep him that way until she returned in three hours. If she started crying, all bets were off.
I loaded him into his stroller and proceeded to walk him in circles around the backyard. I used the backyard because it was bigger and because I really didn’t want anyone to see me.
He loved to ride in his stroller and usually went immediately to sleep. However, this time he stayed awake but luckily he didn’t seem unhappy. I was on pins and needles the whole time praying she wouldn’t start crying. After an hour of walking in circles my legs ached and he still wasn’t asleep. I looked at my watch and realized that it was two hours before the cavalry would arrive.
Suddenly it happened. She started to moan out loud. I immediately went to plan B and ran for the bottle. He took that and immediately the crying stopped. I went back to my aerobic training while he was drinking and, miracle of a miracle, he fell asleep.
Although he was asleep, he was still too scared to stop walking. Hey, if it works, why stop, right? So I kept walking and pushing the stroller until I heard a car pull up in front. And yes! My wife had arrived and my ordeal was over.
I never told my wife that I spent the entire three hours pushing a stroller around the backyard or that I was terrified of being alone with our son. But I have a strange feeling that she knew, because it was a long time before she left me home alone again.
