Breakups are always hard, but when your BDSM relationship comes to an end, it can be even harder. The Master and slave dynamic comes with such a level of trust that when one party rapes her, either by cheating or by deciding she doesn’t want the relationship anymore, she can leave the other person reeling. Many times, the reaction to that initial pain will only make things worse.
Immediately after the breakup there may be a desire to continue the BDSM relationship. It is possible to have a good Master/slave relationship without having a romantic relationship, but once the romantic element has been introduced into things, it is difficult to separate it. It’s not like oil and water that will eventually separate. It’s more like a cake, where you can’t just take out the individual ingredients. The constant memory of what used to be makes it impossible to heal. Worse yet, the positive feelings you used to have for each other will be replaced by anger and bitterness. I have seen some of these relationships succeed after both parties have been alone long enough to erase any romantic feelings for the other person. If you have any hope of rekindling the romance through the BDSM relationship, it will only end in heartbreak. And that is a pain that has no pleasure.
If you were the Master in the relationship, you may feel unusually helpless questioning whether you did something wrong that led to this. These feelings are typical at the end of any relationship, but since a Master is expected to know and understand the slave’s needs as well as his own, there is an extra level of doubt. Slaves on the receiving end of a breakout may wonder if they somehow did something wrong to make it happen. Having given complete control of your body and soul to this person makes the rejection even sharper. There is no quick fix for these emotions. Only time and patience will help you accept what happened. Keep in mind that sometimes you can get everything right and things still don’t work. In most relationships there is no bad boy to blame.
One of the biggest mistakes people make is jumping right into a new BDSM relationship after one ends. While this may temporarily take your mind off the feelings associated with the previous relationship, you will end up feeling even worse than before. It is not fair to start a Master/slave relationship if you are not fully focused on the other party. If you come with baggage, you won’t be able to truly meet the other person’s needs, you’ll only use them to try to stop your own pain.
Finally, no matter how angry you get at the other person, you cannot violate the privacy of your relationship. BDSM is not yet fully accepted in society and by “exposing” your ex as part of the lifestyle you will lose all credibility for any future relationship. Not to mention, they probably have information about you that you’d rather not. If you can’t talk calmly with your ex, bring in a neutral third party to help mediate the division of your BDSM property, including pictures, toys, and equipment. In general, it is better to simply destroy the videos and images to prevent them from being leaked in the future. How to split the other stuff is up to the two of you, but in my experience it may be best to ditch everything and start over. You don’t want a bad memory to come back at an inopportune time in the future.
When a relationship ends it’s always difficult, but the specific issues involved in BDSM relationships mean you may not have anyone to talk to about it. If you are not part of a larger BDSM community, this may be a good time to join one. They are not only good at meeting new people, but also at talking about their feelings with other people who have been there.
